Involving Others in Conversations

Audio By Carbonatix

All of us have opinions about the things happening in our lives and in the world around us. Sure, you probably don’t have an opinion about every single thing happening around you, but I actually think that most people have strong opinions about more things than they realize. Obviously, if I picked a political issue and threw it out there, most people would have an opinion about that—maybe a strong one. But people also have opinions about how they want their house to be decorated. Or how clean they want their teenager’s room to be. Or how much or how little they expect to chit chat with people at work, in their neighborhood, or in other social settings. 

You might be thinking of somebody in your life who you think doesn’t actually have many opinions. But I’m guessing you think that because they may not share their thoughts on a lot of different topics. And this is where things can get a little tricky. I am somebody who doesn’t have a problem with sharing my opinion. If you ask me my thoughts, I’ll share them with you. (And, sometimes, I’ll share them even if you don’t ask!) But that isn’t the case for everyone. Some people are more guarded with their opinions. Some people are reluctant to share because they don’t know how their opinion will be received by others, or because they know they feel strongly about something, but they think that bringing it up will be a painful or vulnerable experience. 

As somebody who doesn’t have an issue with conflict or with uncomfortable conversations, I don’t let those possible outcomes stop me from sharing my opinions. But I’ve learned over the years that lots of people approach these potential minefields in a different way. Some think that it will just be easier to avoid “rocking the boat,” so they keep their thoughts to themselves. Interestingly, people who do this might not even realize that in their effort to help keep other people from experiencing discomfort, they’re choosing to internalize things and experience that full discomfort themselves. In other words, choosing to avoid “rocking the boat” usually comes at great personal cost.

I’ve found that it’s important for me to remember that not everybody is wired the way that I’m wired. If you have a personality like mine, slow down a bit. Let others speak and participate. Let them share why they feel how they feel. When you do that, it communicates to the people around you that you value them and their thoughts. Even beyond just allowing a moment in the conversation for other people to share their thoughts, some people need to be asked for their input and need to be encouraged a bit before they’re willing to share. And that sometimes means that I need to use my outgoing, big personality to help invite others into the conversation in a meaningful way. 

The bottom line is that letting everyone share their opinion is important. That’s true in friendships and workplace relationships, but it’s especially true in family life. I want to encourage everybody to make sure that family discussions truly involve the whole family—even when it might take some time and effort to get input from the people who typically stay silent in those moments. This will allow everybody to share their thoughts and feelings, which creates the possibility for much clearer communication. When you have that, you’ll be winning more often at home.