Navigating Jealousy

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I’ve never been one to have a lot of feelings of jealousy. I’m not typically envious of what other people have in the way of material possessions, nor do I see green when it comes to my wife, Jane. Trust me, it’s not because there aren’t plenty of reasons for other men to pay attention to Jane’s beauty, wisdom, and kindness. It’s because I trust her implicitly and she doesn’t give me any reason to doubt or be suspicious. I’m not saying I’ve never been jealous or harbored feelings of resentment, but I’m not jealous by nature.

Apparently, many people do suffer from attacks by the green monster. But, of course, it depends on the situation. I read a survey recently where women were asked about whether certain circumstances involving their spouse would make them jealous. They could answer “kind of jealous,” “totally jealous,” “a little jealous,” or “freaking-out jealous.” 

The first scenario is that your husband’s new co-worker is a flirt and looks like a supermodel. Most women responded that they would be kind of jealous. Some indicated that it would depend on how often they worked one-on-one or whether they had to travel together or if they just worked together in a big, open office. 

The second scenario is that your husband is meeting his ex-wife for drinks to catch up. Most women stated that would freak them out. Some alternatives they suggested included being invited to go along or having the pair meet for coffee or lunch. It seemed that there was less of a threat during daylight and without alcohol. Experts say that if your spouse has been trustworthy and has not given you cause for concern, then you shouldn’t feel jealous. I’m not sure that’s always realistic, but I’m just telling you what they said. 

The third situation is that your husband is going to a strip club for his best friend’s bachelor party. I was surprised to learn that most women were okay with this and see it as a rite of passage. I say the husband should just pass right by it and find a new best friend.

The last situation is that your husband won’t tell you who he is consistently texting. Most women were again kind of jealous. To me, that’s a huge red flag! There should be no reason why your spouse can’t tell you who they’re texting. The long shot would be that they’re working on a big surprise party for you, but if that was the case, then the texting would be done out of your sight. In my opinion, people should be freaking out at that one.

My point is not to advocate for jealousy, but awareness that something might not be right in your relationship if you tend to always see green. You could reverse all these situations and have us men answer them and you’d probably get similar responses. Unfortunately, we live in a society where nothing feels secure anymore. Many marriages end in divorce, long-standing jobs get eliminated, and people sometimes have a hard time keeping their homes. It’s no surprise that people feel uncertain.

I agree with the experts that if your spouse hasn’t given you reasons to not trust them, then you should count on their loyalty. Sometimes jealously stems from listening to other people, watching what people on TV do, or from conjuring up scenarios in your mind that are unfounded. It’s probably impossible to eliminate jealousy altogether, but instead of seeing green, try seeing the red of love.