Snorkelers and Scuba Divers
By Andy Allan
“I feel like we aren’t connected,” my wife confessed. “I want to be better friends.”
“What do you mean?” I retorted. “We’ve been hanging out all week!”
We’d spent the past five nights catching up on our favorite TV shows: The Amazing Race, New Girl (please don’t judge) and The Bachelor (okay, judge). I loved hanging out with her—and she did with me, she explained. To her, though, a friendship meant more than watching TV with a buddy. She needed a scuba diver.
When it comes to friendships, I’m a snorkeler—I love to shoot the breeze about light stuff like NBA basketball and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Every so often, I’ll ask a deeper question, diving a bit under the surface. I’ll quickly resurface, though.
My wife is more of a scuba diver. She enjoys grabbing a cup of hot chocolate (in all four seasons) and asking insightful, intimate questions to really get to know how her friend’s doing. She’s got a great tank, able to linger in the depths.
The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) that love “…is not self-seeking.” Self-seeking me is content to watch AFV blooper vids for hours on end. Yet, being a loving friend to my wife means learning to scuba dive and ask some thought-provoking questions.
So, we set up some simple questions we ask each other to dig below the surface. For example: “What was the best part of your day? What was the worst?”
Turns out, I like hearing about the deeper things on my wife’s heart. For her part, she’s learned to embrace and enjoy my style of lighthearted activities and topics, too. Moving away from a self-seeking love, we’ve found something better.
The Good Stuff: “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)
Action Points: Next time you have a moment with your spouse, ask the following:
- How would you rate our friendship on a scale from 1-10? Why did you choose that number?
- What’s something that you would really enjoy doing together this week?
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