Listen a Little Longer

Audio By Carbonatix

I quite often give answers to questions. And that doesn’t sound like an abnormal or negative thing, but that’s because I left off the phrase that reveals the full truth of the situation. I often find myself giving answers to questions…before somebody even gets to finish asking the question. It’s not uncommon for my wife to be saying something and for me to decide that I “know” where she’s going with her train of thought, so I’ll go ahead and skip forward in the conversation and give her an answer.

Her response is usually not, “Thanks for making this conversation so efficient that I don’t even need to talk!” Usually, she says, “Can I finish?” Have you ever heard that phrase from your wife or from your kids? I bet you have, because I think many of us know the experience of answering before we even know the question.

There are probably a number of factors at play when we do this, but I have a few things we can do to work toward improving in this area: Let’s slow down a bit. Let’s take our time. Let’s listen before we answer. Because you see the real truth of it, right? Cutting somebody off to talk over them isn’t actually “answering” anything! It’s just interrupting to get our thoughts in there.

Let’s all practice working to listen before we answer. You already know this without me having to do any further explanation, but that can make a real difference in our relationships. It will also be more helpful for us to get all of the information in order to give a thoughtful response. It’s likely that when we start to truly listen, we’ll learn more about the people around us and about their motivations and desires.

But none of those beneficial things can happen if we’re not willing to be patient and let our loved ones fully express their thoughts. One helpful way to remind yourself of why this matters is to think about how you feel when you get cut off partway through sharing your thought. Even if the person is completely right about what you were going to say, having them be so impatient that they don’t even let you complete your thought just doesn’t feel good, does it? It feels like you aren’t an important component of the conversation. Worse, it can start to feel like they love the sound of their own voice so much that they’re just constantly looking for a place to jump in and dominate the conversation.

None of us enjoy feeling that way, so let’s all avoid making other people feel that way! I know I started this article off by admitting that I have a tendency to do this to my loved ones, but I also want you to know that I’m aware of it and I’m working on it. I see how it can make them feel like I view their contribution to a conversation as somehow less important than my contribution to it. I don’t want to make people feel that way, and I bet you don’t either. So, let’s all work to make that change. When we do, the people around us will feel more heard and understood, and we’ll all be winning more often at home.