Sometimes I approach my marriage like the menu at my favorite Tex-Mex joint. I’ll take the beef fajitas, hold the rice and beans, with a side of guacamole, please. Oh, and a Diet Coke, extra ice.
Wouldn’t it be great if marriage worked that way? I wonder what I’d order …
I’ll take a handsome redhead for life, please. Hold the snark and snoring. But I’d like a double side of romance, laughter, and no financial worries. Oh, and a Diet Coke, extra ice.
Right or wrong, we all have some sort of expectations when it comes to marriage. Maybe you thought your spouse would be more romantic, less snarky, a whiz with finances, or a better cook.
But your spouse has their own “order” for marriage (which we can conveniently forget). Maybe they saw you two traveling more, praying together nightly, becoming missionaries abroad. Or maybe they thought you’d be the better cook (fajitas, anyone?).
Hopefully, you talked about these things before marriage, but even if you did—plans change. Sometimes what you thought you wanted doesn’t look so good once the table next to you receives their order.
So what’s a couple to do?
When we go out to eat, the hubby and I sometimes order two entrées to split. We get the steak and the chicken.
Marriage requires the same. We call it compromise.
He tries to be a little more romantic; I don’t expect Shakespearean sonnets. I pay the bills even though it’s not my favorite chore, because I see the stress it causes him. And along the way, we develop new desires and expectations for our marriage that suit who we are and who we are becoming … together.
The good stuff: Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. (1 Peter 3:8)
Action points: Separately, have you and your spouse write out your top three desires for your marriage. Then come together and discuss how you can make each other’s goals, “our goals.”
Visit the FamilyLife® Website